 |
 Ya can quit rubbin’ yer eyes, puddin’ – I have indeed seen fit to update this furshlugginer thing, painful as the whole damn idea may be. With the year careening toward an ignominious end, it seemed kinda shabby greetin’ ya’s with a hearty Happy New Year, and I think everybody’s kinda aware of the birth of Baby Khan by now. I'll try to keep on top o' things from here on out... If yer new to the foul world of the Delusionaires, fear not – the last coupla years' worth o’ yappin’ is there for the taking right HERE so’s ya can get up to speed… and now, onward and downward… click here for the latest... |
 E-MAIL ARCHIVE! One of the less enticing entitlements of signing up with the Delusionaires Social Registry is the periodic dispatch from Delusion Arms, a loopy little love letter usually hammered out a day or two before a gig after a fifth or two of bourbon. Equal parts newsletter, diary, and diatribe, these pungent prosies have polluted the inboxes of dozens of discerning dillettantes for two years now, affording a poignant peep into the woeful world of lives misspent. For you late bloomers out there, or even you sentimental types looking to open old wounds, we now offer a more-or-less comprehensive compendium of these epistles -- take a stroll down memory lane, or comfort yourself with a glimpse into what you mercifully missed. Either way, there's hours of eyestrain awaiting ya at http://www.delusionaires.com/emails/ -- check it out and feel unduly up-to-date... |
 OLD NEWS IS GOOD NEWS Like mosta the pages on this webstain, our Dateline section has undergone some grievous retoolings over the months -- and like the others, I hadda completely deep-six the time-honored original version to get it in shape. And, of course, a whole slew of moldy not-so-news hadda be gutted to keep the damn thing down to a reasonable size. Being the sentimental fool you know I am, I've seen fit to preserve those halycon days of yore, including those lovely photos that make ya sigh & cry, at the charming, prestigious location http://www.delusionaires.com/oldnews.html. There's a curious crossover with some of the e-mail pages ya might glean over there on the left side o' yer screen, but that's economy for ya... It's prettier, quicker, & more concise here... and the language is a bit cleaner as well... |
Well, much as I hate to admit it, the rumors are true: the Delusionaires, the least-missed musical act in Orlando history, are playing a reunion gig this August 4th in Jacksonville (where it's been long enough since we played that we never got a chance to really suck there). Whose bright idea was this?!? Oh, that's right, the knuckleheads in THEE HARMONIOUS FISTS, who are similarly playing a reunion set that night in anticipation of young Dennie Fist's next-day nuptials. We've survived one practice so far; if we can make it to the 4th without self-destructing again, we might just pull it off... Weird developments in the post-Dels period: Nadeem actually fixed his "good" bass, and god help us, it sounds good! Thanks for waiting till we broke up, you bastard! Brian claims to have not touched a drum since January, but he's playing better than ever. What the hell? Jim's wacky sax started coming apart in mid-set, continuing the tradition of disquieting saxophone emergencies, and his lengthier locks recall the dude in OLDBOY. Aaron's hair's gotten longer, too, and he's even fatter... |
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4/11/2006: THE LAST WORD |
Talk about sayin' it all... So here I am, yakkin' with one of the Zellner Bros. at the Florida Film Festival, and I'm trying to summarize the late, unlamented Dels in as few words as possible. I start off sayin' they'd started as a sorta Burlesque band, but... And Orlando's answer to Lucy van Pelt, Ms. Suzy Allen, chimes in: "Actually, towards the end there, it was more like vaudeville..." Nail on the head! Actually, one of these days I'll get around to recounting the absurdities and ignominities of 2005, but for now, I'm still walkin' on a cloud over the fact that it's all behind me. As ya can tell by the monstrous gap between news items on this page, it was painful enough livin' this crap the first time -- you'll pardon me for not chompin' at the bit to re-hash it! |
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02/01/2005: FIFTH SEASON FRACAS! |
Yep, sick as it sounds, this month marks five years of Delusionaria,
a tragic commentary on the human spirit. How do we do it? Sloth. Much
like the mighty tortoise, our lackadaisical sense of horizontal mobility
has ensured a lengthy, if unproductive, lifespan. In other words,
in five years we've accomplished what most bands do in one. On top
o' that, there just doesn't seem to be any point in breakin' up any
more -- we've literally outlived our audience, with most of our early
clientele having moved, died, or retired, so a split at this point
would lack sufficient poignancy to justify us givin' up our bar tabs.
Face it, kids -- we're stuck with each other. A LOOK AHEAD… |
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05/17/2004:
HELL FREEZES OVER!!! |
Christ!!! I can't even believe it myself, but I've seen it with my own eyes. Our own Nadeem Khan, hitherto considered the most unreformable Delusionaire, has gone off the deep end and BOUGHT A NEW F*CKING BASS!!! Yes, yes, YES, after years of struggling with that creaking, cracking, crumbling old Englehardt, Nads let some moths out of his wallet and this week acquired a glossy, near-mint Selmer. A dream come true for the rest of us Dels, as longtime readers here no doubt understand. I feel a curious sense of loss, I've gotta say, at the retirement of my old nemesis -- that old racket box fueled many a rant and rage in these pages. Well, change is good -- or in this case, fantastic. Some notable differences you might notice in the new instrument: * No crack running down half the side. Yes, we've all lived maybe a little too long... |
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05/05/2004:
Bye bye, buddy... |
We're all extremely shocked and saddened by the loss
of our good friend Thom Butler, who succumbed to heart failure Monday
night, all too young at 40. Proprietor of the late, lamented Bodhisattva
Social Club, fixture of the much-missed Go Lounge before that, and,
god help us, even occasional member of Numb Right Thumb for a session
or two, Thom was one of the few things right about this town. Always
charming, gracious, and a joy to be around, he's probably the only person
in town I haven't been angry at even once in the years that I knew him.
If you know me at all, you know that's a pretty significant feat. A
great guy in every way, and a staggering loss to us all. We'll miss
him horribly. |
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05/01/2004:
LESS FOR MORE... |
One of the more insidious shames of this site is
the perennially outa-date Calendar page, which, thanks to the fancy-but-time-intensive
format of the listings, usually ends up gettin' short shrift come update
time. Well, as part of my resolution to keep things at least slightly
current, I've done a bit of an overhaul to the page. What does this
mean to you? Well, it's a lot uglier now, or at least run-of-the-mill...
BUT the chances of it bein' up-to-date have increased a hundredfold.
Big deal, I know, but at least it ain't my fault anymore when ya blow
off our gigs... |
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04/14/2004:
SHIT... |
Well, GREAT... In case ya haven't heard, our spawning ground, the esteemed Bodhisattva Social Club, closed up shop literally hours after we played our 4th anniversary set, making the Dels both the first and last band on the Bodhi's bill (though, technically, the Heatseekers were the last band to play). I've got a nice, long, sentimental memorial written up for the joint, but it's too sappy to post as yet. Keep yer eyes open, it'll be up in the near future... On top o' that, Lil' Jimmy Ivy suffered some nasty damage to both hand and sax last week thanks to Nadeem's errant bass peg during an already shaky gig. The paw's patched up, but the sax is gonna be in the shop a while -- hopefully, it'll be done in time for Saturday's gig! On the brighter side, 3/4 of the Dels made some quick change this weekend when it was discovered that we were booked at the Peacock Room -- without our knowledge! Nads was livin' it up in Vegas at the time, but the remainder of the band managed to pull together at the last moment to deliver a surprisingly solid, if low-key, set sans bass. The door & the drinks go a lot further for a three-piece, we discovered... Hmmm... And finally, I just posted a few cuts from our WPRK shootout on the "Sounds" page. Have a ball... |
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02/14/2004:
WHAT'S UP? |
For those of ya keepin' score out there, this week marks more or less exactly four years since the Dels first formed for what was supposed to be a one-off shot. How do we keep goin'? Don't ask me -- I quit three times last year, and here I am today, STILL careening down this futile, foamy path to oblivion. It helps that the "suck factor" that plagued much of the 2002-2003 season has been arrested, for a while at least, and every gig since November's been a kick. Our records have actually been selling for a change, too -- even the freakin' 45's that have been housing dustbunnies for three years now! What the hell is going on here?!? I'm guessing that alcohol's inherent memory-reducing gifts have finally eroded our demographic's painful recall of the Fluffgirl show... Whatever the cause, it's a welcome shift in the public favor... So, what hasn't changed? Well, I'm inclined to be a smartass & say "our set list", but it's (slowly) branching out again, gradually compensating for the crap we've deep-sixed over time. Nadeem's bass rig is still tragically static -- he's still whomping on the same creaking, cracking, howling Englehardt nightmare that's disrupted our lives for years. He did replace the pickup last summer, a welcome move if there ever was one; unfortunately, he's still using that horrible old home-made bridge that shoulda been thrown out soon as it was cut, so we're havin' to cram carpentry shims in it once or twice a gig to keep it all together. Brian's drums are still exactly the same as before -- some new zip-ties, maybe, but that's about it. I did present him with a dozen drumsticks for Xmas, so for the first time in his performing career, Cannonball is now sporting more than three sticks to his name. Jim's sax is doing fine, and we applaud his diligence in keeping the reeds up-to-date. As for myself, well, it's a different story altogether. The ol' blue Univox was faithful and true, but the years have not been kind to the frets and neck, and I found it more cost-efficient to buy yet another Uni and send Old Blue out to pasture. Even more uncharacteristically, I saw fit to put away those moody tube amps of yore, and am now playing the finest in sub-$300 solid-state sound equipment. Audiophiles may howl, but audiophiles don't stick around Dels shows very long anyway... In an attempt to stimulate the illusion of content on this site, I've added a Fan Fiction page (!) to keep ya busy. No, I didn't write these literary wonders, so I don't want any tips on grammar. Send us your own Dels doodlings and we'll be happy to post 'em. You could be the next Loelia Ponsonby... The Guestbook's been pretty stagnant, but based on the posts that are there, that's probably for the best... |
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02/14/2004:
CAN I GET A WITNESS? |
Zoinks -- after four years (!) of almost universal
apathy in our hometown, we finally get a review in the local press --
probably the first mention of us since Mary-Frances got taken off the
ol' Local Beat column! Orlando CityBeat's Bao Le-Huu (happy birthday,
Bao!) attended last weekend's hairy Monarchy V/Dels shootout at the
Copper Rocket, and believe it or not, apparently liked what he saw!
Dig his account at http://delusionaires.com/citybeat_review01.html
, and bow to the words of a man with taste... |
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12/12/2003:
OH, YEAH... |
Hmmmm, keep forgettin' there's actually a news page here to update... Anyway, we've almost made it through another year alive & intact, for whatever good that does us. One more gig for sure -- a Very Special Hanukkah with the Evidents at the Copper Rocket. The Ev's are gonna have some holiday goodies to share. Unfortunately, the Dels are a buncha fuckin' Grinches... We'll be lucky to bring the merch! So, what else is new? Lessee... the mighty HASIL ADKINS is comin' to Orlando on Thursday, December 19 at Will's Pub. The Dels weren't able to snag the openin' slot, but in a wacky twist of fate, we may actually be backing the Haze up on a few numbers! Yup, while yakkin' with the Wildman from Van for Orlando CityBeat, we got to talkin' 'bout this & that, & before long Hasil asked if we could put together a few guys to wail along with 'im. You bet! We'll see how this goes on Thursday... Oooh, we've got equipment problems again... Nadeem's bass isn't any worse than usual, thanks to some wall shims we crammed into the bridge, but the Big A's guitar amp is not feeling especially well. While playing Mai Tiki's 30th Anniversary shindig (thanks, Wayne!), the blonde beast (the amp, not Aaron) started makin' with some ghoulish cracklin' noises. Maybe from the lunar eclipse? In any event, I'm not trustin' it too far right now. Hopefully Santa'll slip a replacement under the tree. Maybe he'll actually spend more'n $150 on one this time, too... There's some very mild talk about cuttin' a second LP before Brian hits the road again in 6 months, but don't hold yer breath. We've actually gotten an offer from an outside source to produce it, which would greatly improve our chances of completion. Stay tuned... Speakin' of Brian, he & Michelle have finally re-entered conventional society after a year of essential homelessness & have moved into a swanky new pad. Unfortunately, this swanky new pad is down in New Smyrna Beach, a solid hour or so away from the rest of us, but hey, he's still makin' practices. Tuff luck havin' to pay rent again, eh, Brian? This officially bumps the Dels into Tri-County status, with our four member spread out amongst Orange, Seminole, and Volusia counties. Mebbe I'll move to Tampa & try for a coast-to-coast assault. Some weird shit goin' on in the Guestbook, but content is content... |
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09/23/2003: UPDATES OUT THE ASS! |
OK, smartasses -- coupla major (?) updates to the
site tonight. First off, the STRIP
MALL page has been enhanced to finally allow online purchase of
our fine wares, so there's no excuse not to outfit yer Victrola with
the sonic sweetness of the Delusionaires. None! And if that wasn't enough,
we're now tainted with a GUESTBOOK
of sorts, thanks to the auspices of whoever it is that hosts this site.
It's pretty primitive for now, and it's probably gonna stay that way
for a while, at least until somebody (anybody?) actually starts postin'
on the damn thing. Pop on in and speak up for a change... Other tweaks are on the way, but cripes, gimme a break for once! |
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09/22/2003:
GIGZAPOPPIN' |
Aha! Just confirmed our first "normal", in-town gig of the year, at good ol' Bodhisattva (which saw a record tally of Delusionaire visits the night of the Surf expo gig last week -- popped over there about half a dozen times for a cold one while waitin' for Wall Street Plaza's finest to get things into gear). Playin' with Double First Cousins, and thus replicating the program from the LAST time we played at Bodhisattva, which reigned as one of our least-well-remembered gigs of 2002 (the typical booze & equipment issues, coupled with Lil' Jimmy Ivy's nasty case of emphysema that led me to hafta sing a coupla our instrumentals... ~shudder~...). Memorable exchange: Lil' Jimmy Ivy (to Snotty Chick): "I'm sorry we were so off tonight..." Snotty Chick: "You SHOULD be!" Hopefully lightning ain't gonna strike twice in THIS department... |
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09/21/2003:
UPDATES... |
Ok, I've finally updated the Stripmall page (and discovered some e-mail links in it that were no less than two years outa date -- sorry 'bout that...) to reflect both the "sold-out" status of our undergarments and the availability of the CD. I'd like to think it'll help stimulate sales of the spinner. I'd really like to... Just found out the other day that our upcoming gig in Tampa on the 26th is indeed confirmed (yer two-fer-two, Nads -- keep it up!). Unfortunately, the club's apparently crammin' five bands on the bill (presumably within a 4-hour spot), so the take's sure to be pretty, um, nominal at best. On top o' that, we have no idea where we're stayin' that night, and it's my gal's birthday the next day. I'm the only one who knows anything about this gig, and I didn't even set it up. And I know nothing. Yes, it's been a smooth transition back to the days of Dels past... |
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09/17/2003:
Christ, can I get any worse at this? I started updating this fucker five months ago, and obviously got distracted by more appealing activities... And didn't even post the crap I'd written! Eh, hell with it, it ain't gonna happen tonight (hey, the Calendar page is up-to-date, for what it's worth...). Maybe this weekend'll see a more industrious webmaster... In the meantime, here's what's up in a nutshell: 1. Brian's back - sorta... (livin' on the coast for now, but he's
still giggable...). 4. Aaron moved on to another Univox, retiring the faithful-but-frazzled blue unit after too many years of combat duty. Sounds about the same, so don't get too excited... 5. The band actually broke up after Hukilau (long, ugly story -- don't even ask), but for some reason reformed about two days later. Sure as hell wasn't due to popular demand! 6. The Original Dels played their "reunion gig" at the Surf Expo in Wall Street Plaza the second weekend of September, complete with motorcycles literally whizzing through the air not twenty feet behind 'em. This was a Nadeem Khan booking, but somehow he finally got it right -- we had a ball, drank a case of beer on the house, and made a big wad o' cash besides. For once, I'm not hating the idea of playing another gig... 7. The Hukilau gig in June was a blast as well, and probably the sweetest gig we've ever gotten. Dennie Carter of thee Monarchy V turned in an impeccable performance on the skins, and the rest of the band only screwed up about half the set (though who would notice?). Lotsa great shots from the weekend, but I'm still tryin' to put 'em together in a sane, sensible fashion. I just don't have the kinda free time I used to, I guess... Domestication... 8. Did I mention the amazing shrubbery adorning Brian's puss upon
his return? Take an eyeful... 9. Jim still looks great. Well, that's about all I can bother with tonight. I'll elucidate further in a bit... Hopefully before another six months passes...
04/01/2003:
Well, THIS is a new low for the Dels -- I've managed to let this page stagnate for almost ONE YEAR. Explanation? None. Not even an apology at this point. Yes, we actually HAVE been active since last May; if anything, TOO active. Scads of gigs of ever-varying quality, and indeed, some would say ever-plummeting quality. Two controversial recording sessions. Weight loss & gain. Grim news from our physicians. New rehearsal space, then no rehearsal space. The mind boggles... ANYWAY, let's try to get everything up to speed... FIRST OFF, there have been nearly two inquiries as to the state of our current bookings. Nearly two! Well, good nooz is, I finally updated the Calendar page to scour out alla them stale pitches. Of course, this leaves exactly one date on the board, and even that one not until the end o' June. What the hell?!? Well, as many of ya have heard, our resident rhythmist Brian Maguire hit the road the first of the year in his creaky camper, taking a little hiatus from life as we know it to tour the nation and beyond in a gambit projected to take as much as A YEAR!!! This, of course, kinda precluded much in the way of giggability for the dire Dels... Original plans were to secure a substitute skinsmith and carry on without a hitch, but it soon became apparent that it made a HELL of a lot more sense to just kick back & relax in the interim. With our wives becoming increasingly restive, our livers frighteningly crusty, and our shows logarithmically worse, the choice was obvious: carry on & break up a month later, or pack it up & regroup. Pack it up we did, and only now are things (slowly, and I mean SLOWLY) getting back on track. So don'cha worry none -- we ain't dead, just forgotten... SO ANYWAY, in a nutshell, here's what's up of late...
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05/04/2002:
THE DEEP SUCKING SOUND OF LIFE... |
Christ on a crutch... three
months since my last update, and all I can do is bitch. After weeks
upon weeks of bein' too busy with other crap to enjoy the luxury of Delusionaire
dabblings, I finally get back to work on this fucker... the perfect
cue for my modem to take a crap. After screwing up who knows what
on my sparkbox, I finally concede defeat -- only recourse is to blow another
sixty or so on a new intersquawker, and those of you familiar with my current
state of affairs know that THAT'S not happening anytime soon. So
here I am at the office on a Saturday night, Dobie at my feet looking very
bored and wondering why the hell we're not scopin' skirts on the street.
Nostalgia's kickin' in as I write this on Netscape Composer like in the
old days (no Dreamweaver on this particular machine... I oughta remedy
that...). We're playin' in 6 days, and I have no practical way of
making a flyer -- and this is our last gig for at least a month!
God, how I miss the old days of glue-stickin' a poster together & mailin'
out on the girlfriend's boss's coin...
Is that all? Surely you shit. The renovations creak onward at Jarvis Manor, with exactly one room fit for human habitation. This is becoming a matter of some concern, as a new Lady of the House will be moving in within a month (yes, friends, Hell continues to freeze over), and the spectre of gutted bathrooms & torn-up tile will provide a most ignominious welcome. On top o' that, the dank, pitiless fury of the Florida heat has struck us all, and the Manor's air conditioning has taken the big shit once and for all. A call to the landlady oughta remedy that, but first I've gotta whack the hovel in place enuff to not make her scream -- the haphazard piles of records, beer bottles, and dustbison ain't exactly gonna warm her heart, and I get enuff naggin' as it is... Anyway, that's my problem. YOUR problem is that with our deteriorating quantity and quality of practice, the Dels have just gotten worse during our layoff. The guys are showing up later & later, drinking more & more, and Nadeem seems bent on playing only our absolute worst numbers (c'mon, if ya can't get "Comanche" right in a year, it just ain't gonna happen). Our last coupla gigs were a kinda mixed bag -- Victor & Tiphanie's wedding reception turned out surprisingly good, despite some unexpected guest spots and absolutely no preparation, but the Winter Haven affair started shakily & plummeted from there (we were down to just guitar & drums at one point, and that may have been the strongest number of the night!). Some might blame the dearth of dames in attendance (surprising for a Winter Haven gig), others might shake a finger at the effect of certain party favors beforehand (we don't need a manager, we need a chaperone), but in any event, it happened, and hopefully they won't hold it against us... So as I was sayin', our May 10th show at the Bodhisattva is gonna be our last for a while. Lil' Jimmy's got plans for the next weekend, then I'm gonna be heading for the Northwest for a cross-country death ride with the new matriarch of Delusion Arms. Should I survive that junket (never pulled a trailer before, especially over a mountain range), I'll be spending another coupla weeks doing my thing at the Florida Film Festival, lending my oily patter to who knows how many programs. I'll try to post ya on the choicer ones, but for sure, ya don't wanna miss the North American premiere of (CENSORED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE) -- a triumphant return to the screen from one of my foremost shaping forces. We're trying to entice (CENSORED) himself to make the scene, which'd make it absolutely unmissable. If he can't swing it, it's merely essential. After that, we're zilchville till July's Heavy Rebel Weekender in
North Carolina. And that, friends, is a story for another time...
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02/13/2002:
TV PARTY... |
Ok, in a quick lil' nutshell 'cause I'm runnin' late: Somehow, the
Dels got tapped as some sorta "set dressing" for a Citibank Visa commercial
being shot in Orlando last weekend. Not quite sure how, not quite sure
why... Yes, it's another Brian Maguire situation where some mysterious
offer appears out of the ether with about six minutes notice. The scene
in question takes place in a bar, in this case the ruins of the old Phineous
Phogg's at Church Street Station, and the order was for some "visually
interesting" act to take up stage space (our music not being featured,
by the way -- a wise move on somebody's part, to be sure). We were unable
to provide the requested 8" x 10" glossy, of course, but deadlines &
the website's gallery were good enough in a pinch. Desperation...
So, anyway, we show up Saturday, set up our junk and proceed to wait... and wait... and wait. Somebody decided we weren't quite "ethnic" enough (I guess the Japo-Pakistani element is old hat these days), so the Delusionaires gained two members -- an organist (well, actually, two organists -- the first one was quickly relocated to the pool table for another shot) and, god help me, a vocalist! Gorgeous, gorgeous gal, though more than a little shaken at the prospect of "singing" to an instrumental band. I gave her the old showbiz tip of mouthing "watermelon canteloupe" to make it look legit, which afforded us hours of amusement. About a hundred different takes & angles transpired over the ten hours, and the damned song we played over & over again took its toll on all -- Jim's sax riff was echoed in a ghostly refrain from every corner sporting a whistling stagehand. Speaking of Jim, he was the only member permitted to wear a fez -- but the wardrobe crew sucked any triumph out of that gambit by making him wear this horrible ribbed muscle shirt under his jacket! Good thing he's already married... One peculiar moment -- during a trip to the urinarium, one of the extras marvelled to me that the band got to wear the coolest outfits. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we always dressed that way... Eventually, it all came to a sweet, sweet end around 2 in the morning, our feet blistered & the craft services table mortally wounded. Theoretically, we'll all have $250 apiece to show for our labours, which ain't the worst way to kill a Saturday. And in a rare gleam of mercy, the commercial is slated to play only in the Midwest -- if folks connect us with the insipid Muzak they'll most likely tack on the sequence, we'd never get laid in this town again! So all's well that ends... As far as other nooz goes... well, the outa-state gig is playing
for the Burlesque show at the Heavy Rebel Weekender in North Carolina this
July, and now you know as much about it as I do. Brian & Jim got their
cars towed at the Shameless party tonight, knocking our recording budget
down another coupla hundred notes. Nadeem's bass is even less long for
this world than before -- light passes through at least six corners of
it. And I start the selections process for the Florida Film Festival tomorrow
night (Thursday, that is), ensuring the likelihood of me collapsing stiff
in a gutter within the month. It never ends...
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02/06/2002:
AS USUAL... |
Amp still
in the shop, and gig tonight. Two gigs next week. Not good.
Bathroom torn apart in ill-fated renovation attempt (by landlady, not me). Inconvenient, to say the least. First outa-state gig confirmed for July, long as we don't blow it. Hope we have CD & panties by then. Everything else like usual. Dunno if that's
good or bad.
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01/06/2002:
IT BEGINS... |
Looks like 2002's off to a lovely start... My amplifier still reposes lifelessly in the trunk of my car, awaiting attention from one of the three electricians recommended to me in the last week. The unfortunate delay in its reconstruction comes courtesy of an unwelcome medical emergency -- Dobie the Delusionairedale hadda take an emergency trip to the hospital Thursday! Man's Best Friend saw fit to snarf a spare hambone from the garbage, and a nice big chunk of it got lodged uncomfortably in his workin's. It was a traumatic coupla days for all of us at Jarvis Manor, but I'm happy to report that the Dobe is back to his customary pesky self, hungrier than ever. Which is unfortunate, 'cause the $600+ tab for the trip is cuttin' into ALL of our eatin' habits for a while... Canned goods can be sent to the address on our "Contact" page... |
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12/30/2001:
OUT WITH A BANG... |
Well, this is a fine "by-yer-leave" for this f***in' year... At last night's gig at the Copper Rocket, my tried-&-true Angostura® amplifier gave up the ghost in a mighty blast of "MHWOOOO..." then a deafening silence... My attempts to salvage the situation only led to my nearest-pummelling of Nadeem yet, and the unsavory prospect of an acoustic Delusionaires appears to have become an grotesque reality for now. The broken string only added to the delights of the night. And Lil' Miyo Ivy busted her purty jaw open tonight as well. It's an ill wind all over... |
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11/08/2001:
MIRACLE MAN |
In the latest in a never-ending
series of wonders, Nadeem managed to electrocute himself tonight... on
an acoustic bass.
We gave up Numb Right Thumb for this?
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11/03/2001:
IT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN TO A DOG... |
Dobie the dog, the official mascot of the Delusionaires, started the weekend off with a bang with an emergency visit to the vet. Poor lil' guy's got his back outa whack, it looks like, and is now on a dazing regimen of Valium and Prednizone... Here's hopin' he's back to his usual pesky self in no time... |
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10/29/2001:
FUCKING HELL... |
Looks like there's new neighbors on the block... Tonight's practice enjoyed a special guest appearance by the Winter Park Police Department, and only twenty minutes into the set at that. If this keeps up, looks like we may indeed need to relocate our HQ. Nadeem's garage looks mighty inviting... |
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10/28/2001:
TUNE IN TOMORROW! |
Well, the day after tomorrow, actually... For you cable-enriched households out there, be sure to tune in to Nickelodeon's SLIMETIME LIVE this WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31 for their chilling Halloween edition -- not only will ya get to witness the always-reliable handiwork of crew member Brian Maguire, but keep yer eyes & ears peeled for a grisly cameo by yers truly! Yes, I'm afraid it's true -- the Dels own Aaron Jarvis has been tapped as "local atmosphere" for this episode, cadaverously Lurched-up and tickling the ether of his dusty ol' Theremin. We're doing the taping Monday morning, around the time mosta you'll be reading this, so even I have very little idea what to expect. I haven't even seen the freakin' show, so some of you probably know a lot more than me about it... Anyway, if somethin' comes up, like me gettin' tossed off the set for impropriety or insobriety, I'll letcha know so's ya don't stare at the set in vain. And if some wayward slime hits the voltage of my theremin, well, I guess my mom'll be sendin' ya the details of the memorial service... My sources tell me the Slimetime Live airs from 4-6:30 Mondays through Fridays. Kick back and enjoy the antics of the Rugrats, CatDog, and Animaniacs, and keep yer pulse points primed for the money shots in between. It ain't gonna be pretty... |
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10/28/2001:
BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!! |
That refreshing chill in the wind comes to you courtesy of the fires of Hell freezing over -- I have finally updated the damned Delusionaires website, and am continuing to do so as we speak. Some of the pages are suspiciously static as always, but waitaminnit -- the Calendar page is not only totally up-to-date for the first time in... well, ever -- but completely revamped to boot! Don't worry -- Jen's shakin' shimmy'll pop up again elsewhere in the near future... And what the heck -- the News page has taken a turn for the new as well --- damn little on it, if anything, but there's a hot new shot of our Delusionaires Girl to fog that lil' detail right outa yer mind. And, MY GAWD -- TWO COMPLETELY NEW PAGES!!! Yep, I ain't lyin' -- two all-new slices of strife to keep ya mortified but good. Now ya got yer "FLYERAMA" section, showcasing a handful of our most misbegotten mess-terpieces for those of you who wrapped some cod with the originals; and this is where it really hurts -- we finally have a PHOTO GALLERY up and running, fouled with two-&-a-half-dozen shifty shots spanning from our earliest days (before we were even the Delusionaires) up to our lamentable condition at Dante's last weekend. More to come soon's I shake 'em outa the archives. Any of you with some evil evidence of us ya'd like to donate to the gallery, please e-mail 'em to me and I'll be sure to give ya the proper credit. For now, sit back and witness the many moods of Nadeem Khan, the Seven Beards of Dr. Ivy, the Brian Maguire Chia-Pate Illusion, and the Aaron Jarvis Walking Intoximeter scale. All printable and pinnable to the pillow ya dream on... |
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